


Grey

by DracoPotter80



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, I could use a Phil Lester, It will get better in part 2, M/M, Sad!Dan, Sadness, Snuggles for Struggles, attack on titan - Freeform, sad thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:12:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8551147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DracoPotter80/pseuds/DracoPotter80
Summary: He didn’t want to be sad, he didn’t want to taint Phil’s bright yellow with his murky grey, and yet he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t been able to since he was 15 years old. It was always there, at the back of his mind; and it didn’t take a lot to bring it out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments!

He didn’t want to be sad, he didn’t want to taint Phil’s bright yellow with his murky grey, and yet he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t been able to since he was 15 years old. It was always there, at the back of his mind; and it didn’t take a lot to bring it out. 

Dan was depressed, and it was breaking him. 

He couldn’t talk, think, film or edit. All he could do was stare at the wall and focus on all of the things that were going wrong. Phil had tried coaxing him out of his shell but nothing had worked so far and he was running out of idea’s. What he didn’t know was that this wasn’t simply one of his “existential crisis’s,” It was so much worse. 

Dan hadn’t been this bad since high school, It had gotten better after finding Phil. He had figuratively and literally saved Dan, but that feeling never went away. He had his occasional bad days, where Phil would just sit with him and watch anime, never leaving his side until he passed out from exhaustion. In the morning Dan would be back to his old self, and they didn’t talk about it. But it had been 4 days now and it didn’t seem l like it would end anytime soon. 

Dan had no reason to feel like this, he was happy. The tour was the best time of his life, his YouTube was on the rise, his followers were incredible and he was best friends with Phil, but that’s all he was to him, his best friend. And that was what hurt Dan the most. 

The man he had lived with and was basically attached to by the hip since 2009 thought nothing more of him than a friend. Who would ever love him if Phil, the person he was the closest to in this world, didn’t? 

A knock sounded on Dan’s bedroom door, breaking him out of his trance but he didn’t trust his voice enough to respond. Hearing no reply come from within, and not entirely expecting one in the first place, Phil walked into the room and sat at the edge of Dan’s bed. 

“DanAndPhilGAMES reached 3 million subscribers Dan, isn’t that exciting?” he asked hesitantly, hoping for some kind of reaction from the quiet boy who had yet to even acknowledge Phil’s presence. Dan wasn’t about to either, he gave no indication that he had heard Phil’s words at all and continued to stare at nothing in particular.

“We should make a video to celebrate,” he continued but no response was given, and after a few more silent minutes of Phil just watching Dan, he got up and left the room. Closing the door behind him as a tear rolled down Dan’s face. 

“I always ruin everything,” he whispered as more tears slipped from his eyes. He was far from sobbing, just slowly leaking as Phil put it whenever Dan caught him crying because of a video he found. With a shuddering breath he faced away from the door and pulled the sheets under his chin, hoping sleep would drown out life for awhile. 

Minutes later the door opened again and soft footsteps sounded in the achingly quiet room. Dan closed his eyes and wiped them with the duvet as discreetly as possible, hoping Phil wouldn’t see the tear tracks on his face. He heard him walk to the other side of his bed, and set something on the floor before climbing into bed with him. 

Dan suddenly felt a light square object get placed by their feet and arms lift him up and place him on a warm chest. Dan didn’t even open his eyes. Not when the theme song for Attack on Titan started playing softly in the background, not when arms circled his waist and pulled him tighter into the embrace, not even when fingers ran gently through his hair. Dan just snuggled closer and listened to his best friend’s heartbeat under his ear. 

He was far from okay, and he didn’t think he would be for a long time, but Dan realized that as long as there was Phil, even if he would only ever be his friend, his grey seemed a little brighter.

**Author's Note:**

> Please like and leave a comment :)


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